The Anti-Slut Shaming Podcast

As I talked about in Monday’s post, shame has been on my mind a whole lot lately, particularly, the shame that we as women allow ourselves to feel in relation to defying gender, societal or religious norms. I think sometimes we hold ourselves to an unrealistic and unfair standard and when we fail to meet it, we let shame creep in and diminish our self-worth.

GWF

A few months ago, I discovered the Guys We Fucked podcast and have been binge-listening to past episodes. The podcast is hosted by Corrine Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson, two New York based comedians who decided to start an “Anti-Slut Shaming” podcast and interview past guys they had fucked. Not only do they interview guys they have fucked, they invite guests on with interesting, honest stories to tell. Corrine and Krystyna are attempting to remove the shame from “sexual exploration” (the term they use to replace “sluttiness”) and speak aloud things so many women are thinking.

Through the honest sharing of topics that range from; one night stands, rape fantasies, masturbation, open relationships, stripping, sex addiction, femesculation (a brilliant term Krystyna invented meaning feeling less like a woman), molestation, depression, suicide, transgenderism, polyamory, etc., the ladies create an open, safe forum to explore, without shame or embarrassment, experiences that many of us may be curious about, but feel ashamed or wrong for contemplating.

Some of my favorite episodes have been incredibly informative and insightful. One of the first I heard was “He Was 13 and You Were 5?” The male guest that day had been molested as a child, and was reflecting about how this affected his adolescent and adult relationships. I found his insight pretty fascinating. I think this is something that unfortunately, happens way too often, but is not often explored and talked about because of shame.

Another episode that I found informative was “Too Late for Plan B, Too Early for an Abortion?” The guest on this episode had an abortion using the abortion pill and described, in detail, her experience. Again, this is not something that is generally talked about for fear of shame. I thought it was incredibly brave of the guest to talk about her experience and could be helpful to anyone considering this as an option.

Episodes that I am looking forward to listening to are entitled: “How Did Being A Pimp Affect You Emotionally?” “Tim Curry Hit on Your Dad?” and “Did Your Wife Know You Were Gay?”

Corrine and Krystyna do inject humor and a lightness that is needed at times, but they also have created a platform for honest, open and intelligent rhetoric on a broad range of topics. They encourage truthful, empowering conversations and normalize women as sexual beings with varied preferences.

If this sounds interesting to you, check them out on SoundCloud or iTunes. I would love to know your thoughts on their podcast!

Mantra Monday: You Are So Worth Loving

you are so worth loving

You are so worth loving.

Did you know that? Did you forget it somewhere along your journey? Have you lost hope that it’s true? There have definitely been times in my life when I did not believe I was worth loving, or not as much as I used to be.

I had a few conversations this week that showed me I am not the only one who has felt this way. I was able to share and connect with some important women in my life who have also felt unworthy to be loved. I am sure men feel this way, as well, but I think this is particularly a problem for women. Particularly, around the experiences we have had that have caused SHAME, and subsequently translating into feelings of diminished worth and an overall “no-good-ness.”

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we let other people do this to us? Why do we let societal expectations, gender roles and religious norms dictate the way we feel? As logical, intelligent beings, we often realize that these thought processes are harmful, but as emotional beings, all those expectations (and failing to meet them) can be extremely hurtful and led to feelings of unworthiness.

Other people’s stories of diminished worth have been on my mind and heart and led me to reflect on times I have also allowed my own light to dim. I think about times when my SHAME has held me back from speaking up when I needed to, held me back from moving forward in relationships, career and personal growth, led me to make destructive, unhealthy choices because I was “no-good” anyways.

The time in my own life when I felt the most SHAME was after my divorce. I married far too young and was a divorcee at the age of 26. I was oh, so embarrassed that my poor choices were on display for everyone to see. I was ashamed of my lack of good judgment. I was afraid that people would think I did not hold marriage sacred. I was worried that I would never love again or be worth of love.

Slowly, I begin to heal and re-build up my worth. I learned from my mistakes and caught myself before I made them in future relationships. I got real, ugly, gut-wrenching, in-my-own-face-honest with myself about my own pitfalls and hang ups and starting working through them. I meditated, cried, journaled and continued to call myself on my own bullshit.

I realized I was still worth loving.

And, so are YOU.