For years, I suffered from “Why Me?” syndrome. I guess I thought I should be exempt from life’s tests and trails and would dramatically wonder what I had done to deserve any pain, heartache or stress.
I begin letting go of this attitude more and more as I entered adulthood, but it was truly put to the test after my dad was shot and killed in 2012. Losing my dad to a homicide was completely senseless, unfair and maddening. The more I thought about it, the more angry I became and I felt myself stuck in anger following his death and unable to move forward in my grief in healing.
The old “Why Me?” thoughts begin to creep back in. Why did this have to happen to me and my family? What had we done to deserve this? What good could possibly come of this? I wallowed in this place of questioning for a few weeks, when finally one day in my meditation, the mantra “Why Not Me?” begin to repeat itself in my soul.
Whenever I got stuck in the unhealthy thought patterns, “Why Not Me?” would pull me out. I begin to realize I was no one special to be above suffering. It helped me remind myself that everything is not fair or just and sometimes the lessons we are meant to learn are not immediately evident. This mantra helped me move through anger and make peace with the situation that life had laid before me. I no longer question why it happened and I have made peace with what my new reality is.
I have also had to use “Why Not Me?” when good things happen. I have recently realized that not only did I not truly believe that I deserve the bad, but also the good. I noticed I am uncomfortable when good fortune comes may way and feel undeserving. In the last few weeks, I have interviewed, and been offered a job at a school district I was eager to get into. When I received the call, I immediately thought “there must be some mistake.” “Why would they choose me?” When I hung up the phone and told my husband, he was excited and asked why I wasn’t happy. It took me awhile for the news to sink and for me to realize and accept that my hard work and experience had me deserving of this opportunity.
“Why Not Me?” has helped me in both positive and negative situations. I hope it can help you at some point this week.